#HistoryTweetsNowtOnTV
This week Jimbo (@JimboStudios) and Fisher’s (@CFishTank) #TweetsNowtOnTV were all about history…but thats in the past now.
Jimbo – @JimboStudios
Cavemen spotted in Barnsley every Friday night
The invention of the TV – seems good but when you think about it, it actually exposes everyone to places like Essex
Henry VIII – had 6 wives, who shouldn’t have said to him “I’ve had it up to the neck with you”
Nazi Germany – ruled by the most hated man ever, no not Justin Bieber
BC – this means events that occurred before Jesus Christ like shutting your finger in a car door or stubbing your toe
Invention of the Wheel – this was a wheely good idea
Ancient Egypt – used to mummify the dead which preserved them, which might explain Bruce Forsyth
Christopher Columbus – sailed and discovered America, and everyone thinks the Costa Concordia captain was bad!
The French Revolution – was a bad day for the French, I think it’s when they realised they were actually French
Admiral Nelson – was a famous navy officer whose boat insurance was very cheap
Live Aid – a rock concert which helped raise money to fight poverty in Africa…and Bonos face lift
The Gunpowder Plot - This guy really fawked it up
Battle of Waterloo – was when Abba were so popular that people were fighting over copies of their single in HMV
Stoneage – when hairy men communicated through grunting, this age reoccurs every Saturday night in Barnsley at 1am
Charles Darwin – came up worth the theory of evolution when he discovered Piers Morgan had evolved from a rat
Gunpowder Plot – was when a bloke called Guy tried to blow up Parliament, it didn’t work, he fawked it up
When Women Won the Vote – without this event there’s no way One Direction would have got that far in X-Factor
Florence Nightingale – before she was a a nurse she was a vet, she was glad when the dog days were over
Fisher (@CFishTank)
Allegations against him were blown out of proportion...and so was he
The Moon Landings: is when Neil Armstrong took one giant leap – that said, he was assisted by the zero gravity
The Fall of the Berlin Wall: David Hasslehoff was present, but unfortunately he wasn’t underneath it at the time
The Independence of America: was formally declared in 1996 by Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum
9/11: equals 0.8181818
Election of George Bush: happened in 1988 – he was a bad president, the USA vowed never to make that mistake again
English Civil War: was one the politest wars ever – I think that’s what a civil war is
The Polish Uprising: this started in 1863 and was led by an army general named Mr Sheen
Lord Nelson: was a great UK military leader. During his tenure, the UK only had 1 army
The Bore War: involved the British Empire fighting against some wild pigs… and John Major
The Easter Rising: was when Jesus came back from the dead in Ireland in 1916
Waterloo - ABBA's new single was a lot to fight over
The Battle of Stanford Bridge: took place in 1066 before the Battle of Hastings – 3 Chelsea players were red carded
The assassination of JFK: happened when Lee Harvey Owsald shot an airport
The Cuban Missile Crisis: involved Fidel Castro and Che Guevara getting lost in a supermarket
The Monica Lewinsky Scandal: her affair with Bill Clinton was blown out of proportion – and so was he…
Six day war: was only meant to last 1 day – but Royal Mail delivered the letter declaring a ceasefire
The invention of sliced bread: this happened in 1928 – it was described as being the best thing ever
and a couple from a #TweetsNowtOnTV follower @AlistairHGVCC
Columbus: public transport in South America
Charles Darwin: has a theory of evolution which is questioned because of Wayne Rooney
Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter for more #TweetsNowtOnTV every Sunday night at 10.15pm
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#ClothesTweetsNowtOnTV
More #TweetsNowtOnTV from Jimbo (@JimboStudios) and Fisher (@CFishTank) and this week its all about clothes!
Jimbo – @JimboStudios
Shell Suit - Hold them to your ear you can here Jeremy Kyle
Fingerless Gloves – are ideal for horses and other animals with hooves
Pair of Boxers – these cover two male arse cheeks – David Haye & Derek Chisora
Checked Shirt – a shirt that has had a successful CRB
Wonderbra – I know a lady who had a faulty one of these which pushed her boobs up to far. It went tits up
Ankle socks – socks for your ankles, similar to socks which are also socks for your ankles
Cap – is what Emile Heskey won’t get anymore of
Belt – is what Chris Brown once gave Rihanna
Polo Shirt – shirts with a big hole in that smell like mint
Slippers – are named slippers because its what you usually trip over in the house
Waistcoat – is what someone might say if you threw away a perfectly good coat
Tie – I once met a girl in a shop that sold ties. I asked her to marry me. I wanted her to be my Tie Bride
Bowler Hat – is what Darren Gough wears
Shell Suit – are normally washed up on the beach if you put them to your ear you can hear an episode of Jeremy Kyle
Boiler suit – overall they are pretty good value
Boob Tube – a website where you don’t compare meerkats or car insurance
Tights – My girlfriend always gets ladders in her tights, I’ve told her il clean the windows in future
Pencil Skirt – not sure what I think of these, they are a little sketchy
Fisher - @CFishTank
a camouflage jacket, you might not be able to see it
Gillet: these keep your body warm… and they also remove your body hair
3/4 length trousers: I bought some of these fairly cheaply the other day – they had 25% off
Feather Boa: it might be scary having a snake around your neck – but it’s as soft as a brush…
Cuban Heels: are made out of cigars
Jumper: I used to have one with 3 arms that I wore when I did athletics – I called it a triple jumper
Loafers: are quite fancy shoes, they involve wearing bread on your feet
Hoodies: David Cameron once encouraged people to hug a hoodie… then he went back to his mansion in Surrey
Pullover: last time I wore one of these I tried to take it off whist driving – it was dangerous, I should have
Camouflage jacket: a friend wore this recently and everyone thought it looked good – but personally I couldn’t see it
Crop top: often worn by women – but they often disappear around harvest time
Clothes airer: a male celebrity was once involved in a sex scandal with one of these – the press hung him out to dry
Burka: I was going to say something controversial about these – but I’ll draw a veil over it
French knickers: women have to pull these down when they go for a oui
Baseball cap: quite how something circular remains on someone’s head is beyond me
Shorts: I wear these whilst drinking whiskey and brandy
and some from our #TweetsNowtOnTV followers
Boat Shoes?
Jeans - make up part of your DNA – @AlistairHGVCC
Boat shoes - are great for walking on water – @Jo_Miller70
Wastecoat - No, not a poor spelling mistake. It’s what the binmen wear. – @TJHeezy
Golf socks - I have a special pair of golf socks. There’s a hole in one – @BernieWinters
Don’t forget to follow us on Twitter and join us every Sunday evening from 10.15pm for more #TweetsNowtOnTV
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#SchoolTweetsNowtOnTV
This week for #TweetsNowtOnTV, Jimbo (@JimboStudios) and Fisher (@CFishTank) go back to school and tweet about school days!
Jimbo – @JimboStudios
Jamie Oliver - hated by school kids everywhere
Maths - I was excellent at this subject but got a poor exam result, Don’t know why…..it just doesn’t add up
Drama - I hated this lesson as a kid, caused the teacher some problems I always used to act up in front of my mates
Aesop’s Fables - told in assemblies explained how Rhinos got their skin etc but never how Katie Price got her tits
Exercise Book - I had enough work to do at school without having to chase my overly active book around school
Harvest Festival - is when I would go around delivering rude shaped fruit to needy old people
Compass - drawing circles never helped me find out which way was north
Sex Education - I was scared of going to this lesson and wasn’t sure about going, I went but came out straight away
Eraser - I remember once saying to my mate Johny “Have you got a rubber Johny?” not sure why everyone laughed at me
School Dinners - fortunately I went to school before Jamie Oliver changed the school menu to Muesli
Naughty Chair - if you were lucky you would get sent to sit on this chair which had a pile of dirty magazines on it.
Lollypop lady - this skinny lady hated me trying to lick her sticky head
Rural Studies - I once got into a fight during this lesson, the teacher told us to take it inside
Careers Library - I never visited this place. I didn’t want to work as a librarian
Science - I used to fancy a girl two classrooms down from my biology classroom, there was chemistry between us
Woodwork - I convinced my mate we could make a chair from one piece of wood. I said it would work
Religious Studies - I tried my best at this subject but if I’m honest, I didn’t have a prayer
Deputy head- at my school the head teacher and deputy were shot with a pellet gun. I shot the head but not the deputy
Fisher – @CFishTank
Bruce Forsyth - an old fossil studied in Geology
Woodwork: hitting this would constitute a good shot for Emile Heskey
Art: I refuse to be drawn as to whether I was any good at this subject…
The School Bus: was a bit like The School Bike – but she was a lot fatter…
Whiteboard: John Terry was said to be delighted when this was used in the classroom instead of the blackboard
Drama: I was pretty good at this – but I didn’t make a song and dance about it
Teachers: is a Scottish whiskey company, they distil whiskey between 9 and 3 every weekday
Geology: you study old fossils in this, like volcanic rock… and Bruce Forsyth
Geometry: I never listened during this, I’d sit around and eat – normally I’d have 3.14 pies
ICT: is what you say when you spot that bloke from The A Team
The register: teachers take this… and a few of them end up on it…
Assembly: I was a notorious non-attender to these – I could never make them
Metalwork: this ended up being one of Abu Hamza’s favourite subjects, bit of ‘armless fun there
Dentention for drugs and given more lines!
PE: I forgot my kit and had to do it in my vest and pants – I was then sacked from my job as a teacher
Detention: a lad at my school was given this after being caught taking cocaine – they gave him 100 lines
Textiles: some people use proper English and sum ppl use txt spk. lol
French: I hated this subject – it was all foreign to me
And from some of our #TweetsNowtOnTV followers
Food Technology - this was the icing on the cake me…
Geography - could never find my classroom for this!
Chemistry - I used to fancy a lad a shared a Bunsen burner with..but now they’re just an old flame
History - Would tell you what I used to learn but it’s all in the past now
French - My spelling in French wasn’t very good, in fact, my teacher kept saying it was merder
School Dinners - These are bad just ask jamie Oliver
Having a Rubber on the end of your pencil – handy instrument or life lesson?
Don’t forget to follow us on twitter and join us every Sunday evening from 10.15pm for more #TweetsNowtOnTV
#BuildingTweetsNowtOnTV
More tweets from Jimbo (@jimbostudios) and Fisher (@CFishTank) who this week Tweet about buildings!
Jimbo – @JimboStudios
Rubbish Security, they keep letting the PM out
College - a building made of bits of felt, card, paper all stuck down with glue
Emirates stadium - Arsene Wenger got lost before his first game there, he drove past and claimed he didn’t see it
Taj Mahal - one of the wonders of the world, not sure why I think their curries are pretty average and over priced
Post Office - I was going to tweet about this building but the Royal Mail lost my tweet in the post
Museum - where loads of old fossils are kept, not to be confused with an old people’s home
Old Peoples Home - where old fossils are kept, not to be confused with a museum
8 Downing Street - have the worst neighbours ever
10 Downing Street - heavily guarded by security but they can’t be very good because they keep letting the twat out
Playboy Mansion - I know the butler who works there, he is quiet and has no personality, a bit stiff
Royal Albert Hall – I prefer a similar building with a big metal ring through the roof, the Prince Albert Hall
Sorting Office - is where your post goes to be sorted so that it can be lost by the correct postman
Fletchers Bakery - wanted to expand but after it burnt down those plans were toast
Art Gallery - need more government funding in my opinion, a lot of them need a lick of paint
Brewery - I once tried to arrange a piss up in there but It didn’t go to plan after I missed a penalty in a brothel
Fisher – @CFishTank
The Gladiators, hosted by Ulrika Johnson?
The Colosseum: is where gladiators used to flight in Rome – these events were refereed by John Anderson
The White House: this is one of Luis Suarez’s favourite buildings
The O2 Arena: this is a great concert venue – and there’s plenty of oxygen for people with breathing difficulties
The Natural History Museum: this is a great place to go, but it’s a shame the all the visitors are naked
Tower Bridge: I’ve been here, and to London Bridge, but not the Millennium Bridge – that was a bridge too far…
Windsor Castle: was the brother of Roy Castle… I hope that joke about Windsor tied you in knots..
Henley Rowing Club: Steve Redgrave and Matthew Pinsent often go here to have an argument
Libraries: under the current Government’s plans, a lot of these are going to sssssssssshhhhhhhhhut
The Ritz: this is a really posh hotel in London – they leave you a cheesy biscuit on your pillow at night
The Roundhouse: it’s a music venue in Camden – Chuck Norris opened it by breaking the red tape with a trademark kick
Harrods: you had to be really good to work here under its old owner – if not, you’d be Al-Fayed…
Police Station: I went here once and turned their clocks forward an hour – I was arrested for wasting police time
The FA’s Headquarters: are based in Soho, a scandal ridden place with seedy undertones… and it’s based in Soho
Battersea Dogs Home: is where Harry Redknapp’s dog lives after Redknapp stole all his money
And some from some more #TweetsNowtOnTV followers
Big Ben - A man with a rather large Clock
Leaning Tower of Pisa - Dodgy stacked Domino’s boxes
Pyramids - Took their shape from PG Tips tea bags
House - very popular with the old ladies and clubbers
Don’t forget to follow us on twitter and join us every Sunday night from 10.15pm for #TweetsNowtOnTV
#TransportTweetsNowtOnTV
The latest instalment of Sunday night #TweetsNowtOnTV is here with Jimbo @JimboStudios and Fisher @CFishTank and this time the tweets are all about Transport. Enjoy.
Jimbo (@JimboStudios)
Spaghetti Junction
Mersey Ferry – most people are disappointed when they get off this boat to realise they are still near Liverpool
Spaghetti Junction – would be easier to navigate around if the signs wern’t made out of spaghetti letters
Jet Ski – a huge hosepipe that fires out yoghurt
Cable Car – are now available in HD and you can pause them at any time during a journey
Dual Carriage Way – is a good place to go and fight after slapping someone with a glove
Petrol Tanker – do they ever fill up for petrol?
Dashboard – Not quite as good as the forward slash board I have in my car
St Pancras – always eat in this train station, it’s easy to digest food in there
Subway – I waited around in there for ages without anything turning up apart from a large sandwich
Mercedes Benz – Janis Joplin once asked God for one, god knows if she actually ever got one
Dipstick – found under the bonnet of a car and behind the wheel of a skoda
4×4 – this car should have been called 16 but they couldn’t work out the answer
Bendy Bus – regular passengers include George Michael, Will Young and Elton John
Ford Fiesta – I had the other model of this car that wouldn’t start in the afternoon, it was called a Ford Siesta
Supertram – is really an average tram but when there’s trouble it gets in a phone box and changes into Supertram
Fisher – @CFishTank
Bendy Bus - Good at gymnastics
The A3: this road runs from London to Portsmouth – and it’s twice as big as the A4…
Audi: is the favoured make of car for most cowboys
VW Golf: I once drove one of these and I suffered a really bad puncture – my tyre had 18 holes in it…
Bendy Buses: these are great at gymnastics
Euston Station: me and my friend once had a few difficulties whilst there, we said, “Euston, we have a problem”
Ford Galaxy: this car is quite simply out of this world
Rover: was a car company that went bust – at which point they removed the R from the front of its name…
The Bakerloo Line: this was drawn by a breadmaker who took a pencil and ruler to the toilet with him
Unicycle: involves missing lectures, eating pot noodles and drinking excessive amounts every day
Proton: this is a sub-atomic particle and the name of a car company – I’m positive about that
The Circle Tube Line: you end up back where you started – so it’s a bit like the Coalition Government’s policies
Train Station Toilets: they charge you 30p to use them nowadays – talk about taking the piss
Luton Airport: is what a baggage handler often does…
And some from the #TweetsNowtOnTV crowd
Smart Car but stupid to buy one
Airport – a fortified wine that you can breathe
Bicycle - Couldn’t decide if it likes men or women so it likes both to ride it
Aeroplane: full of bubbles
Smart car: you’d have to be stupid to buy one
Rear View Mirror: a reflective piece of glass that allows you to take a peek at someone’s bum
And finally a newbie – @TJHeezy
Bus Conductor – Man who conducts orchestra’s on public transport
Thanks and don’t forget to follow us and check back on Sunday nights at 10.15 pm for more #TweetsNowtOnTV
